


Broken Memories

by DustToDust



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8180498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustToDust/pseuds/DustToDust
Summary: Shiro's forgotten more than just his time as a prisoner, and Keith wants the memories of the two of them back. But is it worth the cost to force the issue?





	

Having Shiro back is like having some great and sucking hole in his chest plugged up. The missing piece of him that had made swallowing the Garrison’s rhetoric impossible. Keith had felt complete even as he ignored the arguing of the three cadets he’d somehow picked up and watched Shiro sleep off whatever sedative they’d given him.

He’d felt complete right up until Shiro woke up and looked at him with only the vaguest of recollection in his eyes.

It got better the longer he was awake, but Keith felt it keenly. The lack of recognition as Shiro hesitated a fraction of a second too long at Keith’s prods for what he remembered. The way Shiro’s hand didn’t reach for Keith, the way he never seemed to notice when Keith reached out for him. Trying to slide their bodies together in ways that were still completely instinctual. For Keith at least.

After that early morning in the desert there hadn’t been time to push for answers to just how much Shiro had forgotten, and Keith had held his tongue. Focused on the lions and the battle. Got through all the problems thrown at them until, finally, the Castle was silent.

It feels like Keith can breathe for the first time in what feels like weeks. His shoulders relax and he doesn’t think twice about turning to room that belongs to Shiro. His mind fixed on finding out how much the other man remembers now. Once and for all.

There’s a warm friendliness in Shiro’s eyes as he lets Keith in, but he maintains a physical distance that makes Keith itch to pull the man in. The recognition he’d hoped for is still absent from Shiro’s eyes.

“What do you remember?” Keith asks because small talk isn’t something he enjoys. When there’s an issue at hand he prefers to get straight to it.

“Not much,” Shiro responds automatically and then smiles at Keith as his left hand raised up touch the metal one. Unconsciously. “I’m fine though, I’m sure it will come back to me.”

He’s not fine, Keith’s seen the way Shiro freezes at times. The way he gets lost inside of his own head and startles when something from the outside interrupts those thoughts. It’s also not the answer to the question Keith had been asking.

“No, from before,” Keith halves the distance between them and reaches out like he’s been wanting to for a while now. His hand curving over Shiro’s shoulder, fingers pressing into muscles that are far too tense. “What do you remember from Earth?”

“I remember every-” Keith watches confusion get chased away by startlement on Shiro’s face. “I don’t. Why don’t I remember leaving?”

It hurts, unexpectedly, the confirmation that Shiro doesn’t remember the last few months before he’d left for Kerberos. The months when they’d decided waiting was stupid, the nights when only one of the beds in their shared room had been used. Keith had known Shiro had forgotten it, it was understandable, but the acknowledgement is a fresh source of pain.

“Remember when you got the orders for the mission?” Keith presses and digs his fingers even harder into Shiro’s shoulder as the tension in the man rockets up. He takes a step closer. The memory of that night clear in his own mind as he tries to walk Shiro through to the memory. “They had you report in late. After dinner.”

Shiro’s eyes are distant as he obviously tries to remember. Diving through the blank spots in his memory, forehead creased with concentration. Keith steps closer until he can feel the heat of Shiro even through their clothes.

“You came back to the room,” Keith searches Shiro’s face for any sign of recognition. Anything to show that he remembers the night that is seared into Keith’s own mind. Every second and detail of it something he will remember for the rest of his life.

“You came in,” with a smile threatening to split his face in half. Eyes bright with excitement and cheeks flushed in a way that had made Keith fumble the manual he’d been reading as he tried to pretend he wasn’t waiting up for the other man. “You couldn’t even tell me what the mission was at first. You just kept saying Kerberos,” Keith swallows and lets his other hand drift out to settle against Shiro’s side. A move ignored by the man who is completely lost to the muddle memories in his own head.

“You grabbed me, and-” kissed him. A sloppy meeting of lips that had been all excitement tinged with the edge of apprehension as the reality of the mission had started to steal over Shiro. The reality of how long it would take and the risks inherent in being so far from Earth. Though Keith hadn’t been aware of that until much later. Too lost in the kiss he’d been trying not imagine for too long.

Caught in his own memory, Keith leans forward, feeling Shiro’s hot breath against his lips. Fast and pained?

Keith stops and watches in horror as a sickening fear seems to sweep over Shiro. The man’s knees fold and Keith grunts as he takes his full weight. Feeling Shiro shake and make a few high pitched noises of pain leaves him gutted. Scared Keith holds him through the fit and says nothing. Trying to crush whatever it is out of Shiro with his arms as the man desperately clings to his jacket.

“I’m,” Shiro eventually says before he stops and swallows hard. Pushing away from Keith with a little embarrassment in his eyes. Visibly trying to pull together the shattered remains of his self. Visibly patching together the mask that he’s been wearing the whole time. Keith had know it was there, but he’s shocked now to see exactly how much damaged it had been covering. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember that. I just. Guess I got caught up in another memory. Of the gladiator ring.”

Shiro’s laugh is brittle, his smile self-depreciating, and his eyes dark with a kind of pain that Keith never wants to see on his face ever again.

“It’s alright,” Keith swallows the anger that want’s out. Swallows the truth so that he can lie, and feels every single inch of space Shiro puts between them keenly. Feels the lack of Shiro’s body against him like the cold touch of space. “Sorry I pushed it.”

They’re silent for an awkward moment. Something Keith hasn’t felt around Shiro since their first months of training in the Garrison.

“I should get some rest,” Shiro eventually say and reaches out to Keith. The hand that squeezes his shoulder is friendly and not much else. “So should you.”

“Yeah,” Keith retreats and feels hollow as the door slides shut behind him. His mind filled with conflicting memories. Of the warmth of Shiro’s lips and the pained sounds he’d made trying to remember. Keith wants the first back with a burning intensity, but the thought of being the cause of the second leaves him cold.

It feels like part of his chest has been scooped out. Once again leaving him incomplete and wanting.


End file.
